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Ninth grade, the night of the big dance: "Just be yourself"
my mom says, sweeping the hair back from my face, "and stand
up straight." Mixed message? Maybe, but most social exchanges
require a balance between sincerity and goodwill on the one
hand and finesse on the other. College application essays,
or personal statements, are to a large extent social exchanges
and require the same balance. Unless you get a chance to personally
exhibit your talents -- through your portfolio or at an athletic
event, an audition, or an interview with a member of an admission
committee -- the essay is the closest you'll come to introducing
yourself to the people who will decide whether or not you'll
be accepted, so you want to make a good impression. As Scott
Doughty, assistant director of admission at Carnegie Mellon
University in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, says, "The essay is
really the one opportunity you get to talk about who you are."
With that
in mind, let's meet your audience. Faced with piles of paperwork,
difficult choices, and a looming deadline, the people who
screen your applications work long hours throughout the winter
months. It's in these months between the application deadline
and the day acceptance letters are mailed that, as Matthew
Swanson puts it, "you really pay your dues as an admissions
officer." Swanson, an assistant director of admission at Williams
College in Williamstown, Massachusetts, describes twelve-hour
days of reading applications. "I'll spend a good amount of
my life, when I'm not sleeping, either thinking about or involved
in that process." By the time it's all over, he will have
reviewed more than a thousand applications. At Carnegie Mellon,
fourteen staff members process fifteen thousand applications
and participate in weeks of "midnight madness," working from
half past seven in the morning until midnight.
Purpose
of the Essay
With so many applications to review, why do colleges add to
the burden by requiring a personal statement? After all, they
have plenty of other factors to consider, including grades,
recommendations, and test scores. You might be surprised,
however, to know just how important the essay can be. Swanson
sees it as an "anchor" for the whole application and considers
it to be especially useful for highly selective colleges like
Williams. "We do a lot of looking at numbers … but among the
many, many students who are academically qualified, of which
there are far more than we have spaces for, the essay can
be a real touchstone for someone in my position." In other
words, if you're on the line between acceptance and rejection,
the essay can be the deciding factor. Doughty at Carnegie
Mellon concurs. He feels that a strong essay, one in which
it's clear that the student has a sincere desire to attend
Carnegie Mellon, is a big help when the student's application
is borderline. He adds that many applicants don't even make
the effort to proofread their essays carefully and, relying
solely on the computer's spell checker, end up spelling the
school's name like a certain summer fruit.
Showcase
Your Writing Skills
Personal statements are a great opportunity to demonstrate
your ability to write well. In addition to the basics -- accurate
spelling, consistent use of tense, subject-verb agreement,
and other mechanics issues -- your readers will be looking
for higher-level composition skills. Whether you're applying
to an art school like the San Francisco Art Institute, a small
liberal-arts school like Mills College, or a university like
Carnegie Mellon, the ease and clarity with which you express
yourself in writing counts. Joan Jaffe, associate dean of
admission at Mills College in Oakland, California, reads essays
for good sentence structure, coherent paragraphs, and logical
arguments. "We really want to get a sense of the student's
writing ability," she says.
Create
a Self-Portrait
Think of the personal statement as a self-portrait or a clip
from the movie of your life. This is true even at art schools,
where admission decisions are often based largely on student
portfolios and where admission officers learn a lot about
applicants through their work. Mark Takiguchi, director of
admissions at the San Francisco Art Institute, told MyRoad
that his team looks at the essay as an "extension of the portfolio;
together the portfolio and the essay form a picture of who
the person is."
The essay
is probably your best chance to come alive to the admission
committee. Doughty discusses its role in relation to the rest
of the application: "The essay's the one thing that's different;
everyone's taken the same AP tests, the same classes … Recommendations
always say, 'Hey, good kid, nice to have in class.'" Sometimes
students feel pressured to mention all of their activities
and accomplishments in an essay, but Swanson warns against
this. As he points out, other parts of the application, such
as the activity chart where you list your extracurricular
activities, serve that purpose. Remember that one of your
goals is to introduce yourself to the reader and hopefully
form a connection. Essays that try to cover too many topics
leave little room for you to develop your main idea, sacrificing
depth for breadth, and leave the admission committee feeling
like they don't really know you.
Types
of Essays
Admission officers are human, and like other humans they appreciate
a good read. As Doughty puts it, when he finds "an essay that's
really good … it's kind of nice just to sit back and say,
'Wow, this is different.'" An essay does not have to rely
on an unusual topic for its success, however. In fact, some
approaches to the personal statement are used so frequently
that admission officers have come to recognize them as types.
While these types have predictable pitfalls, a thoughtful
writer can still surprise the reader with a smart, sincere
essay that breaks the mold. Take a closer look at two of these
types: the humorous essay and the personal hardship essay.
The
Humorous Essay
Jaffe comments that "if the piece is … funny or entertaining
… or in some way makes me even more interested in the student,
that's always a nice plus." Think of humor as a powerful spice
-- a dash of cayenne can enhance flavor but too much can deaden
your taste buds. Moreover, Swanson warns against "banking
on the fact that you're a funny person to make an impact on
a college admission officer." Gimmicks intended to call attention
to your application should be used with caution or avoided
entirely. Takiguchi appreciates an innovative essay but finds
that the overzealous use of decorative fonts and "alternative"
organizational schemes result in an essay that's distracting
and tough to get through.
The
Personal Hardship Essay
Jaffe, who likes to approach every essay with a positive attitude,
says that in her twenty-odd years of reading application essays,
she's seen plenty that annoy her right from the first sentence.
One phenomenon in essay writing is the so-called victim syndrome.
Jaffe has noticed a recent rash of essays that discuss personal
trials in a manner that seems to say, "Oh, poor me, you need
to admit me because this has happened to me in my life." In
her view, "They're just coming off as whining." Not all essays
that deal with adversity read like sentimental made-for-TV
movies, however; Jaffe has seen some that leave a positive
impression. If you're considering a topic that falls into
this category, make sure that you're writing about the topic
because it's fundamental to who you are and what you want
to do with your life and not because you're vying for the
sympathy vote. Also, make sure that you have something more
to say about the topic than how hard it's made your life.
The following thesis statements both deal with divorce and
its effect on the writer, but notice the difference between
the two:
- Ever
since my parents' divorce, my mother has become overprotective
and treats me like a child.
- Ever
since my parents' divorce, both my mother and I have had
to cope with a lot of strong emotions, and I've realized
the importance of having a supportive extended family, which
is why I want to major in social work.
The first
statement promises an essay that does little more than show
how exasperating the applicant's mother has become and runs
the risk of making the writer seem a bit self-absorbed and
uncharitable. The second, on the other hand, promises to put
the student's experience with divorce in an appropriate context,
showing what she's learned from it and what it has to do with
her long-term goals.
If your
topic is too catastrophic, you need to be careful not to let
it overshadow you. To write a successful personal statement,
you should approach difficult circumstances or infamous events
thoughtfully, using them to showcase your observations and
ideas. Those that strike the right balance can leave a powerful
impression. Doughty at Carnegie Mellon remembers one essay
that dealt with the church burnings in the United States that
received wide coverage in the media in the mid-1990s. The
applicant wrote about her experiences rebuilding her church.
Doughty was impressed because "she put herself into it, and
she talked about not just how it affected her but others,
[and] how much the community came together and bonded." Besides
remembering the tragic elements of this woman's story, he
remembers the idea embodied in her essay: that the congregation
was "really angry at the people who did it, but they used
their anger, transformed it into a dedication to rebuild and
restart." The writer was able to use her experiences to illustrate
a complex thought in an engaging manner.
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