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Lesson Four: Verb Tense
As
you write your essay, remember to focus on verbs and keep
adjectives to a minimum. Pumping your sentences full of adjectives
and adverbs is not the same thing as adding detail or color.
Adjectives and adverbs add lazy description, but verbs add
action.
Passive
Tense
Our editors find
that one of the greatest weaknesses of admissions essays is
their frequent use of the passive tense. For this mini-lesson
you will learn why the passive voice should be avoided, how
to identify it, and how to replace it with the preferred active
voice.
Overuse of the
passive voice throughout an essay can make your prose seem
flat and uninteresting. Sentences in active voice are also
more concise than those in passive voice. You can recognize
passive-voice expressions because the verb phrase will always
include a form of to be, such as am, is,
was, were, are, or been. The presence
of a be-verb, however, does not necessarily mean that
the sentence is in passive voice. In sentences written in
passive voice, the subject receives the action expressed in
the verb; the subject is acted upon. In sentences written
in active voice, the subject performs the action expressed
in the verb; the subject acts.
EXAMPLES:
(Passive) I
was selected to be the tuba player by the band leader.
(Active) The bandleader
selected me to be the tuba player.
(Passive)
I will be prepared for college as a result of the lessons
my mother taught me.
(Active) My mother taught me lessons that will
prepare me for college
(Passive) I
am reminded of her voice every time I hear that song.
(Active) That
song reminds me of her voice.
EXERCISE
#4: STRONG VERBS vs. WEAK VERBS
Fill in
the blanks using the most descriptive or active verb phrase.
1. After working
closely with my mentor, I __________ advanced techniques
in oil painting.
a)
was beginning to master
b)
began to master
c)
mastered
2. My newspaper
article on the labor strikes __________ both praise and
criticism.
a)
generated
b)
got
c)
was the recipient of
3. Once I joined
the debate team, I __________ the opportunity to compete
every weekend.
a)
sought
b)
had
c)
was exposed to
4. Samuel’s
touchdown __________ the stadium crowd.
a)
created much energy in
b)
energized
c)
really energized
5. Woolf’s
essay __________ my opinion of gender inequality.
a)
challenged
b)
made me take another look at
c)
was challenging to
6. As Jessica
drew near me, I __________ the baton and took off running.
a)
grasped
b)
got
c)
was given
7. Once my
mother had fallen asleep, I __________ the dolls on her
nightstand.
a)
put
b)
arranged
c)
set up
8. Chris and
I __________ an educational project for first-graders
in our community.
a)
began
b)
started
c)
initiated
9. “Why didn’t
you ask me before throwing it away?” Jason __________.
a)
hollered
b)
said angrily
c)
started to yell
10. Mr. Franklin
__________ that he was our true father.
a)
let us know
b)
told us
c)
revealed
Answers:
1) c; 2) a; 3)
a; 4) b; 5) a; 6) a; 7) b; 8) c; 9) a; 10) c;
Changing
Passive Voice to Active Voice
If you want to
change a passive-voice sentence to active voice, find the
agent in the phrase, the person or thing that is performing
the action expressed in the verb. Make that agent the subject
of the sentence, and change the verb accordingly. For many
instances of the passive voice in your essay, you can follow
these steps:
1. Do a global
search for the words “was” and then “were.” These words
often indicate the passive voice.
2. Cross out
the “was” or the “were.”
3. Add -ed
to the verb that follows “was” or “were.”
4. If that
changed verb does not make grammatical sense, it is an
irregular verb, so change it to the simple past tense.
5. Rewrite
the sentence around the new active-voice verb.
EXERCISE
#5: MAKING SENTENCES MORE ACTIVE
Change these sentences
from passive voice to active voice, or note if no change should
be made.
1. I was taught
by my brother the principles of barbecuing.
_______________________________________________________________
2. My father
was given the title by the former head chief.
_______________________________________________________________
3. The house
was wrecked by the party and the cat was let loose by
the guests.
_______________________________________________________________
4. The house
is a mess, the cat is lost, and the car has been stolen
by Justin.
_______________________________________________________________
5. Unfortunately,
my plan was ruined by Gerald, the building superintendent.
_______________________________________________________________
6. The roof
was leaking. It had been leaking all week.
_______________________________________________________________
7. The ball
was thrown by Lucy, who had been hiding in the bushes.
_______________________________________________________________
8. Francesca
was placed on the first flight to Boston. Her father put
her there.
_______________________________________________________________
9. “To be or
not to be?” That is the question.
_______________________________________________________________
10. A feast
had been created from nothing. I was astounded.
_______________________________________________________________
Answers:
1.
My brother taught me the principles of barbecuing.
2.
The former head chief gave the title to my father.
3.
The party wrecked the house and the guests let the cat
loose.
4.
The house is a mess, the cat is lost, and Justin has stolen
the car.
5.
Unfortunately, Gerald, the building superintendent, ruined
my plan.
6.
No change.
7.
Lucy, who had been hiding in the bushes, threw the ball.
8.
Francesca’s father placed her on the first flight to Boston.
9.
No change.
10.
A feast had been created from nothing. This astounded
me.
EXERCISE
#6: PASSIVE-FREE WRITING
Write a 100-word
essay on anything at all (preferably relating to your essay
topic) without using any form of the verb “to be.”
Continue
to Transitions
From ESSAYS THAT WILL GET YOU INTO COLLEGE, by Amy Burnham,
Daniel Kaufman, and Chris Dowhan.
Copyright 1998 by Dan Kaufman. Reprinted by arrangement
with Barron's Educational Series, Inc.
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