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Lesson
Three: Example Sample Essay
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Note:
The below essays were not edited by EssayEdge Editors. They
appear as they were initially reviewed by admissions officers.
SAMPLE
ESSAY 1:
Carnegie-Mellon, current affairs: Middle East debate
A Greek philosopher
once said, “In argument, truth is born.” Even though sometimes
feelings and emotions come into play that confuse the issue
at hand, usually an argument results in a new insight on the
subject. Even if a person holds strong views that are unshaken
by anything his adversary may say, he may nevertheless gain
from the debate. It forces him to organize and analyze his
views, leaving him with a clearer understanding of the subject
than before. Further, his opponent’s arguments help him better
appreciate his views and their differences. Finally, the argument
forces both to look inwards, at their character and value
system.
For these reasons,
I enjoy debating issues that are important to me and about
which I hold strong views. One such issue receiving great
national attention is the Middle East peace process. While
the peace process has always been important to the American
community as a whole, and more specifically to the Jewish
American community, the assassination of Israel Prime Minister
Yitzhak Rabin has focused the spotlight upon it, as well as
intensified the debate around it. Since I attend a private
Jewish school, I often discuss this topic with my peers, often
finding myself in the minority. Most of them support the peace
process, while I adhere to the views of the Likud (opposition)
party, which opposes the peace process.
Complicating the
issue are several emotional stigmas that are often attached
to it, transforming the discussion from an objective one to
one driven by passion. The foremost of these stigmas is the
accusation, which is often hurled at the opponents of the
peace process, of promoting war and violence. Often made by
people who know little about the issue, this view fails to
realize that opposition to the peace process does not imply
opposition of peace. Rather, it implies disapproval of certain
tactics and specifics of the peace process as it was carried
out by Rabin.
Another commonly
advanced accusation against American Jews who disagree with
the peace process centers around the question of whether they
have the right to influence Israeli policy. “You don’t have
to send your children to the Army,” it is said, “your children
don’t die in wars. What right have you to oppose peace?!”
The fallacy of this argument is that it doesn’t differentiate
between belief and action. While it is true, for precisely
the reasons above, that American Jews have no right to try
to influence Israeli policy, that does not preclude them from
having ideas of what that policy should be.
Finally, the assassination
of Yitzhak Rabin has introduced yet another dimension into
this debate. In its aftermath, opposing the peace process
sometimes is identified with condoning the assassination itself.
Such an identification of the man and his beliefs involves
grave dangers, such as rashly implementing his ideas in a
flurry of compassion and commiseration.
What all of these
stigmas have in common is that they forsake logical and objective
debate, opting rather for emotions, generalizations and accusations.
And the dangers of that happening are the main lesson I learned
from my debates. While those debates have shed new light on
the issue and have forced me to reconsider what I think is
moral and just, most importantly they have demonstrated the
necessity of objectiveness and removal of emotions from the
discussion, especially when, as in the case of the peace process,
thousands of lives are at stake. When passions and hatred
take over, we must stop and think of what it all is really
about.
COMMENTS:
The social concerns
or ethics essay is notoriously difficult to write. This essayist
tackles it well with solid arguments, clear thinking, and
good structure. The main suggestion for improvement came from
one officer who felt that the statements made in the first
paragraph were too broad and lofty for a college essay.
Very clear
headed.
This student
put time and energy into this essay and it shows in the
writing style, the flow of discourse and the conclusions
that the writer comes to in the end. It is a well thought
out essay with depth and focus.
This essay
is well written, and brings out an interesting point of
view, one of which I had not been aware until now. This
author grasps the subtleties of a difficult political
position. I think he would be an interesting person to
know, and would certainly make people think, both in class
and in discussions outside of academics.
The argument
in the essay is logical and substantiated with solid examples,
making it an effective representation of the student’s
thought and writing style while revealing the student’s
personal opinions on the Middle East peace process.
Back
to Example Essay Structures
From
ESSAYS THAT WILL GET YOU INTO COLLEGE, by Amy Burnham, Daniel
Kaufman, and Chris Dowhan.
Copyright 1998 by Dan Kaufman. Reprinted by arrangement
with Barron's Educational Series, Inc.
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