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Lesson
Three: Sample Outline and Essay
Below you will find a sample outline and the essay written
from that outline.
OUTLINE
Paragraph 1 (Introduction)
I. Leading sentence: “It took me eighteen years
to realize what an extraordinary influence my mother
has been on my life.”
II. Summary of main points: “I not only came
to love the excitement of learning simply for the sake
of knowing something new, but I also came to understand
the idea of giving back to the community in exchange
for a new sense of life, love, and spirit.”
Paragraph 2 (First Supporting Point)
I. Transition sentence: “My mother’s enthusiasm
for learning is most apparent in travel.”
II. Supporting point: Her mother’s enthusiasm
for learning.
III. Evidence: Learning through travel by using
the example of a trip to Greece.
Paragraph 3 (Second Supporting Point)
I. Transition sentence: “While I treasure the
various worlds my mother has opened to me abroad, my
life has been equally transformed by what she has shown
me just two miles from my house.”
II. Supporting point: Her mother’s dedication
to the community.
III. Evidence: Her multiple volunteer activities
such as helping at the local soup kitchen.
Paragraph 4 (Conclusion)
I. Transition sentence: “Everything that my
mother has ever done has been overshadowed by the thought
behind it.”
II. Reiteration of main points: “She has enriched
my life with her passion for learning, and changed it
with her devotion to humanity.”
III. Taking it one step further: “Next year,
I will find a new home miles away. However, my mother
will always be by my side.”
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COMPLETED ESSAY
Note: The below essay was not edited by EssayEdge Editors.
It appears as it was initially reviewed by admissions officers.
It took me eighteen years to realize what an extraordinary
influence my mother has been on my life. She’s the kind of
person who has thoughtful discussions about which artist she
would most want to have her portrait painted by (Sargent),
the kind of mother who always has time for her four children,
and the kind of community leader who has a seat on the board
of every major project to assist Washington’s impoverished
citizens. Growing up with such a strong role model, I developed
many of her enthusiasms. I not only came to love the excitement
of learning simply for the sake of knowing something new,
but I also came to understand the idea of giving back to the
community in exchange for a new sense of life, love, and spirit.
My mother’s enthusiasm for learning is most apparent in travel.
I was nine years old when my family visited Greece. Every
night for three weeks before the trip, my older brother Peter
and I sat with my mother on her bed reading Greek myths and
taking notes on the Greek Gods. Despite the fact that we were
traveling with fourteen-month-old twins, we managed to be
at each ruin when the site opened at sunrise. I vividly remember
standing in an empty amphitheatre pretending to be an ancient
tragedian, picking out my favorite sculpture in the Acropolis
museum, and inserting our family into modified tales of the
battle at Troy. Eight years and half a dozen passport stamps
later I have come to value what I have learned on these journeys
about global history, politics and culture, as well as my
family and myself.
While I treasure the various worlds my mother has opened
to me abroad, my life has been equally transformed by what
she has shown me just two miles from my house. As a ten year
old, I often accompanied my mother to (name deleted), a local
soup kitchen and children’s center. While she attended meetings,
I helped with the Summer Program by chasing children around
the building and performing magic tricks. Having finally perfected
the “floating paintbrush” trick, I began work as a full time
volunteer with the five and six year old children last June.
It is here that I met Jane Doe, an exceptionally strong girl
with a vigor that is contagious. At the end of the summer,
I decided to continue my work at (name deleted) as Jane’s
tutor. Although the position is often difficult, the personal
rewards are beyond articulation. In the seven years since
I first walked through the doors of (name deleted), I have
learned not only the idea of giving to others, but also of
deriving from them a sense of spirit.
Everything that my mother has ever done has been overshadowed
by the thought behind it. While the raw experiences I have
had at home and abroad have been spectacular, I have learned
to truly value them by watching my mother. She has enriched
my life with her passion for learning, and changed it with
her devotion to humanity. In her endless love of everything
and everyone she is touched by, I have seen a hope and life
that is truly exceptional. Next year, I will find a new home
miles away. However, my mother will always be by my side.
Continue To
Short Essay Strategies
From
ESSAYS THAT WILL GET YOU INTO COLLEGE, by Amy Burnham, Daniel
Kaufman, and Chris Dowhan.
Copyright 1998 by Dan Kaufman. Reprinted by arrangement
with Barron's Educational Series, Inc.
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