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1. Don't Write a Term Paper.
As a prospective graduate student, you may be tempted to try
to impress your reader with an already tight grasp of academic
style. Resist this temptation! You will have plenty of time
to produce labyrinthine sentences and sophisticated vocabulary.
Your reader will have seen too many essays to appreciate bewilderingly
advanced prose. Write clearly and personably.
2. Don't Bore the Reader. Do Be Interesting.
Admissions officers have to read hundreds of essays, and they
must often skim. Abstract rumination has no place in an application
essay. Admissions officers aren't looking for a new way to
view the world; they're looking for a new way to view you,
the applicant. The best way to grip your reader is to begin
the essay with a captivating snapshot. Notice how the blunt,
jarring "after" sentence creates intrigue and keeps
the reader's interest.
Before: I am a compilation of many years
of experiences gained from overcoming the relentless struggles
of life.
After: I was six years old, the eldest
of six children in the Bronx, when my father was murdered.
3. Do Use Personal Detail. Show, Don't Tell!
Good essays are concrete and grounded in personal detail.
They do not merely assert "I learned my lesson"
or that "these lessons are useful both on and off the
field." They show it through personal detail. "Show,
don't tell" means that if you want to relate a personal
quality, do so through your experiences without merely asserting
it.
Before: If it were not for a strong support
system which instilled into me strong family values and
morals, I would not be where I am today.
After: Although my grandmother and I
didn't have a car or running water, we still lived far more
comfortably than did the other families I knew. I learned
an important lesson: My grandmother made the most of what
little she had, and she was known and respected for her
generosity. Even at that age, I recognized the value she
placed on maximizing her resources and helping those around
her.
The first example is vague and could have been written by
anybody. But the second sentence evokes a vivid image of something
that actually happened, placing the reader in the experience
of the applicant.
4. Do Be Concise. Don't Be Wordy.
Wordiness not only takes up valuable space, but also confuses
the important ideas you're trying to convey. Short sentences
are more forceful because they are direct and to the point.
Certain phrases, such as "the fact that," are usually
unnecessary. Notice how the revised version focuses on active
verbs rather than forms of "to be" and adverbs and
adjectives.
Before: My recognition of the fact that
the book was finally finished was a deeply satisfying moment
that will forever linger in my memory.
After: Completing the book at last gave
me an enduring sense of fulfillment.
5. Do Address Your Weaknesses. Don't Dwell on Them.
The personal statement may be your only opportunity to explain
deficiencies in your application, and you should take advantage
of it. Be sure to explain them adequately: "I partied
too much to do well on tests" will not help your application.
The best tactic is to spin the negatives into positives by
stressing your attempts to improve; for example, mention your
poor first-quarter grades briefly, then describe what you
did to bring them up.
6. Do Vary Your Sentences and Use Transitions.
The best essays contain a variety of sentence lengths mixed
within any given paragraph. Also, remember that transition
is not limited to words like nevertheless, furthermore or
consequently. Good transition flows from the natural thought
progression of your argument.
Before: I started playing piano when
I was eight years old. I worked hard to learn difficult
pieces. I began to love music.
After: I started playing the piano at
the age of eight. As I learned to play more difficult pieces,
my appreciation for music deepened.
7. Do Use Active Voice Verbs.
Passive-voice expressions are verb phrases in which the subject
receives the action expressed in the verb. Passive voice employs
a form of the word to be, such as was or were. Overuse of
the passive voice makes prose seem flat and uninteresting.
Before: The lessons that have prepared
me for my graduate studies were taught to me by my mother.
After: My mother taught me lessons that
will prove invaluable as I pursue my research interests.
8. Do Seek Multiple Opinions.
- Ask your friends and family to keep these questions in
mind:
- Does my essay have one central theme?
- Does my introduction engage the reader? Does my conclusion
provide closure?
- Do my introduction and conclusion avoid summary?
- Do I use concrete experiences as supporting details?
- Have I used active-voice verbs wherever possible?
- Is my sentence structure varied, or do I use all long
or short sentences?
- Are there any clichés, such as "cutting-edge"
or "learned my lesson"?
- Do I use transitions appropriately?
- What about the essay is memorable?
- What's the worst part of the essay?
- What parts of the essay need elaboration or are unclear?
- What parts of the essay do not support my main argument?
- Is every single sentence crucial to the essay? This must
be the case.
- What does the essay reveal about my personality?
9. Don't Wander. Do Stay Focused.
Many applicants try to turn the personal statement into a
complete autobiography. Not surprisingly, they find it difficult
to pack so much information into such a short essay, and their
essays end up sounding more like a list of experiences than
a coherent, well-organized thought. Make sure that every sentence
in your essay exists solely to support one central theme.
10. Do Revise, Revise, Revise.
The first step in an improving any essay is to cut, cut, and
cut some more. EssayEdge.com's free admissions essay help
course and Harvard-educated editors will be invaluable as
you polish your essay to perfection. The EssayEdge.com free
help course guides you through the entire essay-writing process,
from brainstorming worksheets and question-specific strategies
for the twelve most common essay topics to a description of
ten introduction types and editing checklists.
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